The GSR Journey
by K-Shandra
Summary: The development, and growth of the Sara Grissom relationship over the years.
1. She is Never to Know

Title: She is Never to Know

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: Not mine, Yea I wish. Just having fun

Timeline: Mid to end season six, no real spoilers. (I Think) Sarah Grissom not really talking, before the DUI incident, or at least I hope.

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara, Nick and Greg.

Beta: No I do not know any CSI betas, any suggestions?

Author notes: I usually do these at the end. Warning this is my first CSI fic. I have only watched only parts of the series. We recently finished Season 9 here, so yea this could be dangerous. I saw some of the GSR episodes and have shipped them as long as I can remember. This is a first attempt, and it ran away with me so please have a sense of humour. (I'm not sure about when Hank and the "pin me" happened, or if they had happened around this time, or the plant for that matter) HELP I NEED A BETA! A CSI EXPERT… PLEASE.

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Grissom walked down the passage. He had received feedback from all of his team members on their cases, all but nick and Sara that was. He was now in search of them, they had returned recently he had noticed Sara passing his office earlier. They were working an assault and rape case, Grissom had assigned Nick with Sara knowing that the younger man would look out for her. He would have given the case to Catharine but she was still working a high profile murder case.

'Hey Greg, you seen Nick or Sara?' Grissom asked, as he passed the layout room. Stopping for a moment to look inside.

'They were going over case notes in the break room last I saw.' Greg threw back, his attention focused on the work he was doing.

Grissom made his way down the hall to the break room. A quick glance showed no one. Then a shuffle from the floor drew his attention. Looking down he felt his heart drop, as a familiar stabbing sensation crossed his heat. His mind and body both shocked at the scene before him. For there on the floor, right where anyone could see them were Nick and Sara, engaged in some form of lovers play. Wanting to take a step back, hoping that this was a bad bream and that he would soon enough wake up, he found himself incapable of moving. Watching as Nick held Sara pinned to the floor, her hair fanned out, their bodies touching with his head burrowed in her neck. He heard Sara utter something, but his mind was still reeling from the shock of seeing them like that. That the words did not register. Grissom swallowed hard as Nick moved, before he registered that they were drawing apart.

'It's inconsistent,' Sara said, sitting up, 'there is no way that that was possible.'

Just then Sara noting Grissom, who had managed to school his demur before clearing his throat and asking, 'What _are_ you doing?' his shock evident in this voice.

At the sound of his voice Nick turned to look at him. 'Oh hey Griss, Sara picked up some inconsistencies in the injuries, so we are trying to work something out.'

Sarah looked down avoiding his gaze thinking it would be better if he would just leave.

'What are you working on?' Grissom finally spoke up, once he was capable of controlling his voice. The disturbing image of Nick and Sara still engraved in his mind.

'The rape case you gave us. The injuries are inconsistent.' Nick answered, not having noticed Grissom's discomfort, then held out the file for Grissom to inspect.

Grissom took the file Nick offered, opened it and looked at the photos documenting the injuries before reading the notes aloud.

'Grazing to the side of the face, bruises on the shoulders and around the wrists, multiple strike wounds, burses on her knees and calves…' before looking at them again, 'Has the victim mentioned anything?'

'No, she is in shock and not talking to anyone.' Sara answered.

'The bruising around the vagina is in line with consensual sex, that was the first inconsistency Sara raised. Then the injuries didn't seem to make sense.' Nick added, Sara ducked her head casing Grissom to look down at the file again, flipping through the photos. The image of Sara and Nick precedent in his minds' eye.

'Aibha.' Grissom stated, breaking the awkward silence.

'What?' Sarah questioned.

'It was not face to face, the perpetrator was not overpowering her, he was punishing her.' Grissom continued.

'Hey?' Nick spoke up, feeling suddenly like he had missed something.

'It was rear entry, with her pinned to the floor.' This cased Nick and Sara to look at him before turning to look at each other. Sara shrugged her shoulders indicating she was game and could go with it. Knowing that the break in the case often came from understanding the perpetrators reasons, they often also helped to pinpoint possible subjects.

Sarah turned to lie on her stomach as Nick moved over her again.

Grissom still looking at the file continued his train of thought, 'He pinned her shoulders to the ground, whilst she was braced on her knees. His knees resting on he calves as he forced himself on her, pinning her wrists to the ground next to her shoulders, bracing his body close to hers. That way if she fought him she would just heighten his…' At that moment Grissom looked up from the file, straight at them. Once again noting Sara pinned to the ground by Nick, in the exact position he had just described.

'If he pushed her head down it would have enabled the grazes to form, it's consistent.' Sara spoke up, not noticing Grissom's once again shocked expression.

'Yea now we just need to get naked and have some fun.' Nick joked, figuring he was going to pull the mickey out of Grissom, it was well know that the man had feelings for Sara.

'Hey, I heard the words naked and fun being used together.' Greg said walking in behind Grissom, before noting Sara and Nick on the floor. His face just as shocked as Grissom's had been. 'Ah no, it's not fair…' Greg wined as he saw the two, "Sara you know I would always be willing to help, and yet you run to Nick. Who as far as I know has a girlfriend.' He finished. None noting Grissom's clenched fist, as he fought to control the urge to yank Nick of Sara. He had no right to be that close to Sara. Then he wanted to turn and pound the younger CSI standing beside him, for making his feelings, no his objectives so obvious. Instead he schooled his reactions and dropped the file on the table. 'Right I'll leave you two up to it.' Grissom suddenly spoke up, before turning and leaving.

Nick sat back allowing for Sara to rise, looking after Grissom, 'what's gotten into him?' Nick asked.

'Your asking me, I'm like the last person he speaks to.' Sarah threw back at him as she got to her feet.

'I think he's turned on.' Greg answered, looking at both Nick and Sarah.

'What!' The both exclaimed.

'Well rumour has it he's into that weird shit.' Greg continued.

'I wouldn't know.' Sarah said shaking her head, before turning to take the file he had dropped.

'Anyway that solves the injuries, now we just have to wait for the DNA results.' Nick said also getting up.

'Oh, you two were working on the case?' Greg sounded surprised as he turned for the coffee machine.

'Yes, what did you think we were doing?' Nick asked

'I don't know… riling the boss.' Greg answered nudging his head in the direction of Grissom's disappearance. 'Anyway I think it worked.'

'Oh Greggo,' Sara said patting him on his back, 'you know he doesn't get riled about things like this.'

'Sara if there is one thing I have learned, it is… That when it involves you in any way, he gets riled.' Greg answered turning back towards them with his coffee cup in hand.

Grissom headed straight for his office closing the door on entry, before leaning back against it. Taking a couple of deep breaths whilst trying to clear the images from his mind. His hands still clasped in fists as he tried to bring his emotions in check, running his hand over his face as he stepped away from the door. Before pacing his office. Having in the past thought of her possibly being intimate with someone had been hard enough, but to actually see a man over her, even her work partner whilst they were recreating a scene was unbearably arduous. The fact that she would allow a man that close to her, to allow for him to touch her, to be that intimate… His heart was finally starting to slow down, as the stab of pain he had felt on both occasions seemed to lessen.

This is why he knew it would never be a good idea. No, this is why he knew there could never be anything between them. He had a possessive streak. He wanted her to himself and only himself. Even now he was willing to rip someone off her, when he had no right to her.

Sitting down at his desk he dropped his head into his hands as he tried to regain his composure, the image of Nick over her flirting into his mind again, behind his now closed lids. Even when he had found out that she had been dating Hank, he had not experienced this level of shock, pain. But then he was never faced with the image of another man on top of her.

He recalled the time she had asked him if he wanted to sleep with her… To be allowed that close to her, as close as Nick had been just now. He may have taken it up wrongly at first. The images his mind had conjured up within seconds had kept him awake for weeks, as his body cursed his mind for denying himself the only thing he had wanted, no yearned for, for such a long time. She is never know, that every woman he meets is measured against her. Measured, and always found to be lacking. They do not have her smile, her passion, neither, her commitment or persistence. But he had in a way crushed that in her.

He knew he was not fair on them, and that it was not the work policies that kept him from her. It was he, himself. It was his tendencies, his behaviours that would spell the end of a relationship. He wanted her, all of her. In every way he could have her, but it would never work. How could he explain to her, make her see that she kept him going? No matter how tiered he was, he could face another shift another load of cases as long as he knew she would be there. Her smile could light up a room for him, but when directed at him, it could shave years off his life. It would give him the jolt, the push he needed when it seemed that things were falling apart. Knowing that she was here, is what kept him going, preventing him from burning out.

He had prized the look of adoration in her eyes. Had kept it close to his heart, but he would never allow her to act on it. How could he do that? If she acted on it she would find out the real person behind his mask. She would see the needy person who needed her love and approval more than anything else. His neediness would send her running. She would grow tiered of him. The young did not have the same principals as he did. He believed in a love forever. Only to share with those you truly care about.

She meant too much to him, he wouldn't be able to continue as a has-been in her life. She was not just a passing fancy - she could never be that.

He loved her truly, for all time. He wanted her and only her.

He would never be able to live with the conformation that she had been only attracted to him only as a mentor or boss. He was well aware of those type of attractions, had dealt with enough cases involving those over the years. He was an observer, he had seen it in those around him. He saw the heartache around him. Saw the broken spirited people moving on, or as in many cases - not. Had managed over the years to lock his feelings in a box, until he had met her.

She had intrigued him. It had been the first time he wanted to connect with someone, but he could never allow for her to know how strongly he felt. He could never give her that power. She was like a butterfly, beautiful, but to catch her would mean her death, as butterflies did not survive in captivity. Her distance lately had been getting to him. Ever since that case… the one that had nearly driven him insane. Had it been her, he would not have known what to do.

He was her supervisor. He should not be having these images, these ideas about her. They were inappropriate. She was the one he had been studying the karma sutra for. The higher art of lovemaking. At first he had studied it to understand a case better. Then he was drawn into the complexities, the exercises and the finer details of the karma sutra. Then he had started imagining things with her, and since then could not see himself with anyone else. He wanted to worship her in the most primeval of ways. He had spent hours thinking, imagining what it could be like, if he was willing to take the chance. He did not want too be with anyone else, he wanted to discover those secrets with her. He was happy with the thoughts and the images his mind conjured up. Sarah on his bed her hair fanned out as he brushed his hands over her body… Then the image of Sara lying under Nick interfered with his dream, he gasped in pain as he forced the image away.

She could never truly love someone like him. It had to be idle curiosity. He was not willing to take the risk. He was not willing to take the chance to get to know her, to get to know her in the most intimate ways that a man could know a woman. Only to have her realize that there was nothing else between them, that it had only been idle curiosity, an itch that had needed scratching…

She had said once, that when he managed to figure it out, it would be too late… He had figured it out, had had it figured out the day he asked her to stay. Knowing he could never allow for something to happen between them. If it went sour, she could leave. Taking with her his heart.

He was obsessed with her, he knew.

A knock sounded at his door causing him to draw his attentions from his thoughts

'Hey Griss, Sara and I are just stepping out, we are going to go over the crime scene again, Sara has a theory she wanted to check out.' Nick said looking round the door.

'Okay, let me know what you find.'

Nick left, closing the door behind him. Grissom made a vow that with the next rape case, he would assign Sara to him. If she allowed Nick contact like that, he would be more than willing to stand in, and at he same time feed his mind images of actually being on top of her.

Today had rocked him. He had never before seen her like that, even thought that a male could come that close to her. He now understood what it would mean to him, should she find someone to share her life with. Someone other than him would have access to her body. He felt his heart rate increase as his hands formed fists again at the idea of another man slipping home inside her, rocking within her depths. To have her cry his name in the throws of passion… he braced against the pain that surfaced, as he thought of the possibility that her body could swell, growing and giving life to a child… a child not his.

He had chosen not to touch her, although her scent alone could arouse him. Her entrance into a room could stir him without needing to look up. He had spent hours schooling his thoughts, his reactions to her. Giving her cryptic clues through cases and watching her solve them, if only to assure himself that she was still there, with him. Testing if she still felt something for him. He knew he was playing yoyo with her feelings, but at times he had needed conformation that she still cared, would still come to him if he needed her to. But backing off had always been hard. Their closeness could never be allowed.

There have been instances where she had initiated, instances that would have made it possible for them to be together. He however knew they were wrong, they could not engage whilst under stress. For one the catalyst was removed and they had finished, she would regret it, and that was one thing he would never be able to live with. He would never regret the opportunity to make love to her. However the chances that she may one day look back and regret it, is what kept him at bay. He had managed for years to live with the rejections and disappointment that life dealt him. He however would not be able to cope with them from her. If she were to reject him, he was sure he would die of embarrassment. No he could not take that, and that is the other reason why he could never allow her close to him.

This was why he would suffer like this for as long as he could. Rather that, than to see her move away from him. Her eyes may not show it anymore but he could pick it up in her body language. If he allowed for something to happen and it came to an end, chances were she would leave and take with her his heart with her, leaving him empty. He has loved her for such a long time now. He did not think he could cope if she were to walk away now, or ever for that matter.

Later just before the end of shift, both Nick and Sara returned to his office. Sara having drawn a conclusion wanted to run it by Grissom who was surprised when he saw the two of them enter his office.

'Hey Gris you have a moment?' Nick asked on entering.

'Yea sure.' Grissom said, looking up having noted both of them in his office.

'Sarah had a theory, and we found some evidence that could point us to a perpetrator. But some things are not making sense. The behaviour of the victim also puzzles her.'

Nick continued as Sarah sat down on one of the chairs.

'Earlier when we were in the break room… You mentioned that he was not overpowering her - he was punishing her. What made you think so?' Sara voiced her question.

Grissom schooled his response. The mention of the break room only conjured up the images of her and Nick, the two of them entwined.

'The position of Aibha is considered as the position of the mistress.' Grissom started looking from one to the other. 'The suspect was punishing her by forcing her onto the ground, meaning she had to brace against him to maintain the position… if she dropped she would tighten around him allowing for deeper penetration. However by remaining in the position, he was able to stimulate her g-spot. Especially since be was bent over her, to enable for the bite marks on her neck. Even though he was forcing it on her, he was providing her pleasure. The position allowed little restriction with regards to his movements.' Grissom finished.

'That explains the bruising being in line consensual sex, she may not have fought him.'

'Has the victim spoken to anyone?'

'No she has remained quiet.'

'She knows the suspect.' Grissom stated, 'It is possible that she may even have enjoyed the experience.'

'You don't think this is a rape case then.' Nick voiced.

'It can still be rape. If it started off as un-consented, if it was forceful. It was almost as if he was trying to push her into the Ekabanda.'

'Ekabanda?' Nick questioned.

'A highly sensual position, where only the rocking of bodies is required for stimulation.' Grissom started. 'The suspect knew the victim, was within her circle of friends or associates. Most possibly a lover scorned or a long-standing admirer that had grown tiered of the teasing.' Grissom noted the frown on Sara's forehead. She had once again picked up on his clue. 'It is considered as a position of comfort and impregnation... Did the perpetrator wear a condom?' Grissom finally asked.

'No.' Nick answered, still puzzled sensing an undertone in the conversation.

Grissom rubbed his chin, before removing his glasses his body having responded, he was becoming aroused. Talking of sex in Sara's presence has always done it.

'You would need to speak to the victim, she knows who the perpetrator is, and is possibly protecting him.' He finally stated.

Sarah dropped her head shaking it from side to side.

'Have the DNA results come through?' Grissom asked

'We were going to see Judy after finishing here.' Nick spoke up.

'The case sounds simple enough, but it would be up to the victim is she continued with the charges, speak to her and see what she wants to do.' Grissom finally finished putting his glasses back on.

With that nick left. Sara rose from her chair turning to leave but stopped at the doorway.

'Griss?'

'Yes.' He answered, looking up at her again.

'Were did all of that come from?'

'What?'

'The aibha, ekabandha?'

'I read, a lot.'

'I somehow did not see the karma sutra as your choice of reading material.' Sarah stated flatly.

'Why not Sara?' he asked softly, before continuing, 'we deal with crimes of passion almost all the time, it would be negligent to overlook something like that.'

'Yea, but...uh' Sara stuttered.

'The karma sutra is devoted to the art of lovemaking, you wanted to say.' Grissom answered for her. Seeing her nod her head, before continuing. 'But there are also parts in it that describe striking and the darker sides of sexual behaviour and passion.'

'It also says that a man shouldn't pursue and court more than one woman at a time, but few do that.' She threw back at him.

Grissom remained silent for a moment. Knowing he had walked straight into that, also letting her know she had hit her mark. Before speaking up 'And why Sara would a lady read a book that was written for men'

'Call it the idle curiosity of an enquiring mind, wondering just what advice men give one another.' She stated.

'And your opinion on the matter?' He asked, suddenly interested in her view.

'It encourages adultery and casual sex. So yes, men would like reading and referring to the book.' She stated, her dislike of the work evident.

Grissom remained quiet for a while 'I have found that for those seeking to improve their capabilities of providing pleasure to their partners, it is a source vast source of information. For a man truly wishing to worship a woman and to improve their experiences, it allows for him to understand her body and the pleasures he could bequeath her. I think that once a man has found the right woman, they could fully embrace and enjoy the experiences together.'

'Why are we even having this conversation?' Sarah finally asked becoming uncomfortable with the subject matter.

'Uh I'm not sure, why are we?' Grissom returned the question.

'I'm going to go and find Nick, see if he has handed in the samples we found.' Sarah said turning to leave.

Sarah left. A smile formed on Grissom's face, as he psychologically marked off another tick on the list of ways to engage a woman.

Give a beautifully scented flower,

Gifts,

Discussed topics that she finds intriguing and that I'm are a master of,

Touches and glances,

Discussion of intimate matters,

This has been a slow courting of the lady, in deed.

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A/N 2. More? Let me know if you could stomach it.


	2. She is Never to Know prt 2

Title: She is Never to Know Part 2

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: Not mine, Yeah I wish. Just having fun. And no it's not worth it to sue.

Timeline: Okay, now I know it's late Season 4 (See special thanks)

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season 5.

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara, Nick, Brass, Victim (aka Liza Marie).

Special Thanks To: CSI-GSR-BILLY-LOVER for her patience regarding my Millions of Questions and Demands for information. Thank you, your inbox is full, again….

Beta: Thank you for your offers. I will be looking at your profiles. I would like to find someone in the UK, or who writes British English.

Author notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, alerted or fav'ed this story. I'm surprised it went down as well being my first CSI fic. Please keep in mind that at this stage of the fic Grissom is completely oblivious of the fact that Sara had heard him in Butterflied.

My apologies for the H in Sara's name in places, all I can say is habit. I've never had to type Sara without the H, and I seem to read over it at times as well. Part two closes the case, which was only supposed to act as a trigger for Grissom's emotions. But as stated before… It kind of ran away with me, including the karma sutra bit. I had to have a valid reason for Nick to be on top of Sara, at the time (to make Grissom squirm).

Okay top and bottom of the chapters (from this one on) there are randomly selected song lyrics posted. In this one: the top is Sara (supposed to be pink), bottom Grissom (supposed to be blue). I'm not good at finding quotes. The songs **were not **selected for their suitability to the situation, neither do I think they suit the characters (inc their choice in music). The lyrics just seemed appropriate.

Story word count: 2 334 (excl lyrics)

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_**You go straight to my head,**_

_**When I lie in my bed,**_

_**I just can't win, Can't help the state I'm in.**_

_**If it's only love - So why is falling in it, the one thing that you can't do.**_

_**If it's only love - Then why am I hurting from it, it's only love if your hurting too.**_

_**It's Only Love - Def Leppard**_

Sara lay on her bed looking up at the ceiling. The case and Grissom's words rendering sleep once again ever elusive. The victims' injuries, although mostly clarified still troubled her. Had he pinned her as Grissom had mentioned, how had the bruises on her sides been inflicted? Unless in a struggle… Mulling over Grissom's words again. She was certain that she was slowly starting to hate him, and not just for his constant playing with her emotions. If he was not willing to take the risk, he should not discuss these things with her. After the Marlin case she had tried to come to terms that they would never happen. She had fought hard to keep it together, to not rise to the occasions when he did speak to her in code. Reminding herself, that it couldn't mean anything. Still she had stayed, needing to see him, to just be around him at least. Her life made sense with him in it, just the though of not seeing him at all, ate at her soul. It riled her that at times he could ignore her so completely, then turn around and within a heartbeat discuss sexual matters with her, like they were discussing the weather. Didn't he have any idea what that did to her. Just the thought, that he knew the karma sutra, was familiar with the work. That he had studied it with his meticulous nature, possibly having practised it on another. That a woman, other than herself, had shared those experiences with him.

The two classes of wine she had had before coming to bed, had not helped with taking the edge off this time. As she rolled onto her side again, her heart breaking into a thousand pieces all over again.

The following shift Nick sought her out, before Grissom could assign cases.

"Hey Sara, Judy got back with the DNA profile, you want to question the victim later." Nick asked, having finally run into her in the passage.

"Yea, some of her injuries still puzzle me."

"So were good for some more re-enactment." Sara noted the mischief in his eyes. Then out of the corner of her eye, she saw Grissom stepping out of his office. The distance close enough that he would be able to hear their conversation.

"You know what Nick, if I didn't know better I'd say you were coming onto me." She threw back playfully, before turning in the direction of the break room.

"Well Sara, I can dream." Nick threw back realizing Grissom was not far behind them, not sure what had happened the day before between them, only that it had upset Sara. He was willing to play a bit, knowing that it would help him to gauge her emotional state.

Sara fought the feelings that were surfacing. Knowing Grissom was right behind them, stirred her senses. Her awareness of his presence caused her to throw caution to the wind. " I think it would only be fair of me, to next time give Greg a go." Sara said, as they turned into the break room.

"You sure, you may just get more than you bargained for." Nick returned.

"Maybe I'm bargaining on that." Sara threw back, before sitting down.

Grissom halted outside the break room his free hand clasped into a fist, as he was once again faced with the image of Nick on top of Sara. Taking a deep breath he schooled his features before entering the break room. Mentally shifting the cases again.

"I heard Sara mention my name, can I dare to hope." Greg spoke up noting the banter between the two.

"Sara said that the next time she needs to recreate a rape scene, she'll call you." Nick told him.

"Seriously." Greg said looking at Sara.

"Yeah, just hope that the next case does not have a male as the victim, you may have your hands full then." Nick added, noting Greg's face drop.

"In that case, I think Grissom would be a better option." Greg returned suddenly uncomfortable. Having noticed Grissom's grim expression as he entered the break room. His comment caused everyone to look round at their supervisor, even before he had called their attention.

"Nick I have a DB on the strip, I want you to take it." Grissom said as the meeting was coming to a close.

"I'm with Sara at the moment." Nick started.

"Sara's case is simple enough, if she needs any help she can refer to me." Grissom said, handing Nick the folder.

Sara rose silently, and left with the others. Intending to see Judy about the DNA results, before questioning the suspect. Leaving a frustrated Grissom alone in the break room.

Sara entered the interrogation room, having requested to see the victim on her own. She wasn't aware that Grissom had joined Brass behind the shaded glass, or that he was watching her. Sara looked at the victim, wondering why they were often treated as the suspects in these cases. Taking a deep breath she placed the folder onto the table, before taking a seat.

" Liza Marie." She called the girl's attention. The girl looked up at her. "My name is Sara Sidle, I'm with the Las Vegas crime lab. I have been placed in charge of your case."

The girl remained silent looking at her. Sara took a deep breath. "We have managed to pull a DNA profile on the suspect, and will be bringing him in later for charging." Sara said. Opening the folder before looking up at the victim, noticing her pallor. Thinking that it was fear, Sara was quick to add. "You will not be required to identify him, his carelessness gave us enough evidence to convict him."

Behind the glass Brass looked at Grissom. "She has a suspect?"

"I don't think so." Grissom replied a frown forming on his face.

"Then why would she state that?" Brass asked looking back at Sara, aware that her behaviour was very unlike her.

"We had a discussion yesterday," Grissom started. "I suspect that the victim knows the perpetrator."

"You think she is trying to push for a name." Brass picked up on his trail of thought.

"Possibly."

Sara pulled out a sheet of paper, turning it around to show it to the victim. "We re-enacted your case scenario yesterday, and determined that you were possibly forced into a position known as the Aibha." The image on the paper represented the position. The girl looked at it, before looking down again.

Behind the glass Brass looked at Grissom, "Sounds like you had an entertaining evening last night."

"You have no idea." Grissom replied, flatly.

"I would have thought you would have enjoyed the role-play."

"I did not have the honours." Grissom stated. His voice still controlled.

"Oh Greg then," Brass continued, having caught the glimpse of Grissom clenching his fists. "He seems to be working with her a lot lately."

"Nick had the honours." Grissom stated, not reacting to Brass's comment.

Brass just looked at Grissom. Wondering if he was even aware of how obviously clear he had made his dislike of that fact.

Sara continued. "Some of your injuries were consistent with the position. The burses to your sides are inconsistent. This means that on top of the rape charge, we will be adding an assault charge." Sara studied the girl's reactions. Saw her pale even more, if that were at all possible. Her hands started wringing. Sara placed the sheet back in the file before continuing, having considered the victims reactions. "I'm well aware that the suspect is a person within your circle of friends. What I cannot understand is why you wish to protect him by remaining silent. He violated you, yet you still want to protect him." Sara got up, intending to leave. "By confirming who did this to you, you could have closure, and move on with your life." Just then the girl dropped her head. "You would not believe me if I told you." The girl spoke up for the first time.

Grissom and Brass looked at each other behind the glass. Grissom had been weary when Brass had informed him that Sara wanted to see the victim on her own. Now he appreciated her instinct. Having sensed that the girl may be willing to talk to her, if they were alone. Her tactic had startled him though.

Sara remained silent for a while, planning her next move. "Please tell me, I would not want to provide incorrect information, resulting in the case dragging through the court."

The girl looked at her as Sara sat down once again. "It was not rape." The girl finally stated. Sara unbelieving at first remained silent. Hoping her silence would encourage the girl.

Sara took out her pen, intending to take notes. "Jonathan and I have been seeing each other for a few weeks now." The girl started. "No, I should start further back… Marc and I broke up a few weeks ago. He was very possessive, and was convinced that I was cheating on him. So I called it a day…I met Jonathan through one of my friends not long after. We clicked. I'm sure you would understand what that's like, when you just have that instant connection with someone. I had always wanted to be more experimental with sex, and he was just so easy to talk to about such things. Anyway, your assessment of the position is correct. We had decided to give it a try, looking for the position that stimulated both of us best. It was the most amazing experience. We had just finished when Marc stormed in on us, yanking Jonathan off me. Before I had time to realize what was happening I was lying in a heap on the floor, my sides in agony. I think he must have kicked me. Then proceeded to grab my wrists pulling me up, before tossing my clothes at me ordering me to get dressed. After which he kicked Jonathan a few more times. I tried to stop him but he only slung at me, sending me to the floor again. That's when I grazed my face. He then dragged me out to his car and drove me to the hospital, claiming I'd been raped. When I tried to object, he sneered at me. Saying that we were stupid enough to have unprotected sex, and that the evidence would put Jonathan away."

Sara at some stage looked down at the table, having realized that her case would now need handing over to the local department. No longer being an assault and rape case, only assault.

Grissom looked at Brass. "Well, I think you have another case on your hands."

"Yeah, more passionate crimes, like we never get enough of them." Brass replied.

Taking a deep breath Sara asked the girl "why didn't you speak up sooner?"

"I did not think anyone would believe me, not with the injuries."

"The report on your physical showed that the intercourse was consensual." Sara disclosed.

"You can determine that?"

"Yes, and had you spoken up sooner, we would have been able to apprehend this Mark. Instead of trying to figure out Jonathan's profile." Sara stated.

"I didn't know, things just kept happening. Like I had no control." The girl answered quietly.

Sara knew that the system for dealing with rape cases was not the most friendly, often making the victim feel more victimised. Letting go of a sigh she asked the girl. "Would you be willing to put all of this down in a statement? That way we can proceed with the assault charge."

"You mean they won't charge Jonathan then?" The girl asked, hope evident in her voice.

"We can only lay a charge once your statement has been taken." Sara confirmed before rising from her chair. "And if Jonathan has suffered injuries, like you. That would strengthen the case against Marc." Sara said, getting everything together again. "I'll ask for them to send in an officer to take your statement." Sara said getting ready to leave.

"Thank you." The girl spoke up.

Sara smiled at the girl. "It's what we do."

"No, you don't understand.' The girl started. "Thank you for not judging me. Many consider it strange, or common to be so willing to experiment. They almost treat you like you're not normal. You never judged me." The girl finished.

"It is not my job to judge you."

"Thank you. For the first time since this started, I feel like someone is treating me like a human. Not as someone, or something they do not even understand what has happened to."

Sara remained quiet for a moment, before speaking. "A Friend once told me, that we should be open to new experiences. That not everyone has the same tastes, and just because they're different from yours, it does not make them any less human."

"A wise friend." The girl answered. Sara smiled at her. "A much loved friend, that at times is unwilling to follow his own advice." "But only a friend." The girl stated having seen Sara's response. "He will never be more than a friend." She answered flatly. With that Sara left.

Once outside the interrogation room, Brass joined her. "Well done Sara, how did you know?" She handed him the file, feeling Grissom's presence. She looked up to see him exiting the observation room. "I didn't, the injuries just didn't seem to make sense." She finished, avoiding Grissom's gaze. Realizing that he would have heard what she had said. Discussing matters with Brass, before requesting that a female officer take the statement. Then took her leave of them, returning to the labs. Wondering if Nick could use some help with the DB.

Grissom looked after her, noting her guard having gone up. At the time he had not thought that she had listened to him so intently. He reminded himself to talk to her about it later - he never did.

_**Last night I was blown away,**_

_**I said a million things I'd never say,**_

_**Was knocked out, it got to me.**_

_**Gotta get some of your chemistry**_

_**Promises - Def Leppard**_

* * *

The story is not done. There's a lot of mileage to cover. I do take requests for GSR scenes, and will write them with the emotional undertone I started with here. If you have any suggestions regarding song lyrics that you think will fit a scene let me know. I'm really getting into this CSI thing (having done some research now). There are miles of space for creative freedom.


	3. Why is She Like This 4X23

Title: Why is She Like This

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: Not mine, Yeah I wish. Just having fun. And no it's not worth it to sue.

Timeline: Season 4, picks up at the end of 4X23 Bloodlines.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season 5.

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara.

Special Thanks To: Every GSR Fan who's ever made a YouTube Clip, or developed a GSR fan site. You saved me hours in research.

Beta: Unbeknown to her, that title goes to CSI-GSR-BILLY-LOVER. Who acts as my safety net for relationship matters. All editing and proof reading is still done by me.

Spelling: I have often found this to be a problem, especially for astute US readers. I live in a country that teaches UK English and broadcasts predominantly US programmes, unless you watch the local Funnigalo. So there are bound to be a clashes within the spelling, and often dialogue. (As can only be expected from someone who speaks four other languages as well) I am aware of these, and work at it, constantly.

Author notes: And as such we continue on the GSR journey, that which was never aired that is.

Lyrics: Top - Grissom, Bottom – Sara

Story word count: 1 395 (excl lyrics)

* * *

_**I find myself somewhere, I never thought I'd be.**_

_**I'm going around in circles, thinking of you and me.**_

_**And how do I explain it, when, I don't know what to say?**_

_**What do I do now? So much has changed.**_

_**Nothing I've Ever Know, Bryan Adams.**_

Placing the phone back on the hook he took some deep breaths to calm his pounding heart. When the officer calling had identified himself, and that the reason for his call was Sara. His first response had been near panic... The thought that something could have happened to her, that she was injured or worse... The image of Debbie Marlin came into view, as he got up from his chair. Remembering how often he had needed to remind himself, throughout the case, that it was not Sara. The amount of times he had checked up on her just to put his mind at ease, that she was still there. That the life and spirit captured within her body was still present, and that it had not been taken from him. That he could still daily look upon her, drawing pleasure from her presence, her smile... Which lately had seemed missing, almost like a part of her had left since then…

He made his way to the traffic department to collect her. The officers' explanation had barely registered with him, as he thought of how best to approach this. Knowing that he would have to place a note on her file, however thankful, that no official record would be filed of the incident. He walked over to her she, seemed so distant. Taking a deep breath before sitting down he let out a sigh as he looked at her. Not understanding how things could have gone so wrong. He had in the past dealt with the attractions from his junior female staff, even Catherine had gone through a stage. But after a while, things sort themselves out and a balance develops, where both parties know their bounds. But Sara had always been different… Where in the past he had not experienced any sense of attraction towards any of the junior staff members. Sara had never been just a staff member to him. She was always more.

Refusing to acknowledge his presence, she looked into the distance rather than at him. Reaching for her hand, he felt the dampness of her palms as they came into contact with his, rendering her detached outlook a farce.

"Come on, I'll drive you home." Her gaze dropping to their joined hands, as her posture dropped. Grissom realizing that he had caught her off guard, and that she had not expected kindness from him. Also knowing he had been hard on her lately, determined to push her away. He needed to distance his feelings from her, in order to protect both of them. But understanding the need to, and actually doing it was very difficult. He could not allow for her to foster the hope that there could be something between them. For if she did, he was not sure as to how long he would be able to hold out.

Sara walked with him and quietly got into the vehicle, fastening her seatbelt. Turning to look out of the window as he drove. Noting her dejectedness Grissom remained silent, mulling over his thoughts once again. Her behaviour had puzzled him these last few weeks. He knew that she was upset with him, for his decision to recommend Nick instead of her. But, it could not serve as reason alone for her current change of behaviour. He could not place it, she had become self destructive in a way.

Pulling up at her home, she silently got out as he killed the engine, getting out he followed her to her door. Once opened, she stepped inside allowing for him to follow her. Expecting a serious reprimand from him, he saw her linger in her lounge.

"Can I get you something?" Sara finally spoke up.

"No thank you." Grissom replied, studying her body language. She was looking at him, like she was waiting for him to say something.

"Sara." Grissom started only to be cut short.

"Yes I know - It was stupid."

"Sara." Grissom tried again, realizing that in her current condition it would be best to leave matters till the morning. She had seemed embarrassed enough, when he had collected her.

"What Grissom."

"Go to bed, sleep it off. We'll talk later." He relented, watching her facial expression as a frown emerged on her forehead. Sara just shook her head, before turning to her bedroom. "You know the way out."

Grissom instead moved and sat down on the couch.

Grissom sat quietly as he listened to her movements in the bathroom, the shower having started. He reined in his thoughts when they started wandering to the images of a naked Sara, with water cascading over her body. Slowly he started looking at the room, wondering if the contents would give him an idea as to what was going on with her. Looking around to find only books, he had known her to be an avid reader but had not realized the scope of her reading.

Sara exited her bedroom a few minutes later, dressed in her robe. Walking past him not noting his presence, she checked and locked the door. Obviously thinking that he had left. Switching off the lights before turning and entering the kitchen area, opening the fridge and reaching in for a bottle of water. Before turning around, noticing him still sitting there.

"What! Are you here to babysit me now?"

"No, I'm thinking." He replied thoughtfully.

"Thinking...About."

'What's going on? Why you seem to be bound to self-destruct? What could have happened to cause this?" he said not fully looking at her, "I'd like to think that you only need a holiday, but this is more the accumulation of events rather that the sudden occurrence."

"And your enlightened conclusion is?"

"I haven't come to one." Grissom finally replied. Noting her state of dress he rose from the couch, feeling that he was invading her privacy. Walking to the door, he spoke up "I'd best let you get some sleep, we can talk later." Opening the door, before turning to find her behind him. Placing a hand on her shoulder, "be safe" he finished before turning and walking out the door.

Sara closed and locked the door behind him. Still feeling the tingles on her skin, where his hand had rested on her shoulder. She looked at her right hand, for weeks now he had seemed distant, and in one night he had bestowed her more affection that he had in almost all the time they had worked together. He had touched her, his touch was electric, but she had known that. She had sensed them drifting together earlier the year, but since the Marlin case had happened he had withdrawn from her, almost into himself. They had shared no more jokes, exchanges. Wrapping her arms around her, she sank down to the floor resting her back against the wall. She had come to realize that this was just as hard for him, as it has been for her. Closing her eyes she remembered when they had recreated that one scene. The sensations that ran across her whilst he held her wrists, the brush of his fingers against her arm… She had never worked as hard to keep her mind on what they were supposed to be doing, instead of soaking up the sensations. Keeping her mind on their need to solve the case, rather than revelling in the sensations of having him so close to her. When their eyes locked she realized that he felt it too, and it had given her hope. Hope that there was still a chance for them, that maybe he had realized what he had wanted to do. And then it had all fallen apart; causing this downward spiral. When he had stated that he could not take the risk, it had crushed her. The fact that he had not said it to her, had made it even harder. She was now faced with a difficult decision. She could either continue to work with him, get to see him daily, and not foster the hope that someday there could be something. Still knowing that he cared about her. Or she could pack up and leave here… Leave him behind and search for something better... Could she? Rising from the floor she made her way to her bedroom. Decisions would have to be made, but they could wait, until she was sober.

_**I'm looking for a place, I'm searching for a face, is anybody here, I know?**_

_**Cos nothings going right, and everything's a mess, and no one likes to be alone.**_

_**Isn't anyone trying to find me, wont somebody come take me home.**_

_**I'm With You, Avril Lavigne.**_


	4. Slipping Through my Fingers

Title: Slipping Through my Fingers

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: Not mine, yeah I wish. Just having fun. And no it's not worth it to sue.

Timeline: This is a combination of smaller sections, covering the start of Season 5. First part is 5X1 then ends with the office scene in 5X12.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season 6. I used writers' creative freedom. (a lot)

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara, Greg, some mention of the others, and Ecklie.

Beta: Thanks again to CSI-GSR-BILLY-LOVER. Who puts up with my constant questions whilst trying to keep the relationship issues straight.

Author notes: A lot of this fic is off screen writing… I try to keep it as close as possible to the series, but have to improvise in places by adding scenes.

Summary: Sara returns after her summer "holiday" and PEAP sessions. Sections are split by lines.

Lyrics: Top - Sara, Bottom – Grissom.

Story word count: 2 915 +- (excl Lyrics)

* * *

_**It's funny when you find yourself looking from the outside. **_

_**I'm standing here, but all I want, is to be over there.**_

_**Why did I let myself believe, miracles could happen?**_

_**Cause now I have to pretend, that I don't really care.**_

_High School Musical - When There Was You and Me._

Sara walked into the lab not sure of what to expect. Her heart was pounding with the anticipation of seeing him again. She had wanted to come in last week, if only to see him. On two occasions she had had to stop herself as she stepped out of her apartment. Unsure as to what he would have mentioned the others. She remained home, intending to face the music when she returned.

Sara entered the locker room, fully aware that she still needed to see Grissom for the post PEAP evaluation, as she went over her speech again. She had meticulously prepared it, having decided to stay, she had to get it right. Whilst working through it, Greg interrupted, introducing her to the new DNA lab technician, which was to replace him, and asked her about her holiday?

Sara was surprised at that, realizing that Grissom had implied that she was on holiday, and not temporary suspension. Readying herself for her shift, before making her way to the break room. On the way, she ran into Nick and Warrick, whom each greeted her by giving her a hug, welcoming her back.

"I think our Sara here has met someone." Nick stated, teasingly.

"What makes you think so?" Warrick asked, looking her over.

"Let's see… she was away from the lab for two whole weeks, not phoning or dropping in. She looks healthier… happier."

"Hey I'm here… and anyway I needed the break." Sara objected, bumping Nick on the shoulder.

"Sara Sidle, workaholic, actually admits to needing a break… No, I think there is a man on the scene." Nick said, as they entered the break room.

"Sara, a boyfriend? Hey I want in." Catherine commented. " I must say she does look better, some sun, rosy glow on the cheeks, you know I agree with Nick." She said before turning back to Sara. "Nice to have you back, evens the numbers out a bit."

Sara just shook her head, knowing that it would not help to argue with them. Turning to the coffee maker, intending to get herself a cup, before sitting down.

Grissom, for the first time in weeks had felt energized when he had arrived at work. He had not even tried to kid himself as to the reason, for he knew why, he had counted the days... Sara would be back tonight, having completed her mandatory leave and counselling. Walking down the halls his anticipation grew as he neared his office, he was tempted to pair her up with him, so that he could gauge her state of mind. He had missed her presence in the lab, her voice, her smile, but mostly her eyes... He could willingly loose himself in them. This last week had been the hardest. He had fought the temptation to go over to her place, to find out how she was doing. None of the others knew, he had told them that she had put in leave. Nick and Greg had seemed suspicious, claiming that she had not mentioned anything to them about it.

He heard her voice in the hall as Nick and Warrick greeted her. The tone of her voice washing over him like a balm as he fought to remain seated, to not rush out to see her. He started checking over the case notes, planning their evening. The appearance of five dead bodies and what looked like four separate cases. Decision made he would assign her and Nick to the body in the desert. It looked a simple enough case to ease her back into work.

Grissom stopped outside the break room. Taking a deep breath, he schooled himself before entering the break room. His eyes skimmed the room and came to rest on her. Whilst everyone stopped their banter, sitting down for their briefing. Grissom had heard the comment Nick had made earlier of her looking healthier, happier and he was right. She appeared livelier again. He was pleased to note that the sparkle in her eyes had returned as she smiled at him in greeting, before sitting down. Knocking the wind from his sails once again, as he prepared to hand out cases for the evening.

Just before the end of shift he passed the locker room, halting as he heard Nick and Sara talking.

"Can you believe that pastor thought we were there to get married?"

"Yea that was weird."

"What a first night back for you. So are you going to tell him you nearly got married today?"

"Tell who?"

"The boyfriend."

"Why would I need to do that?"

"Okay, so it's one of those relationships."

Grissom's hand clenched forming a fist as he thought of her having a boyfriend. Not that it was improbable… She had been away for two weeks, therefore she would have had more than enough time. She was also young and attractive, with needs… He reined his thoughts the moment they started on the subject of her needs. The thought of another man with her was still too painful to bear.

"No it's not." Sara stated.

"So when do we meet him, or do we know him and your keeping it a secret?"

"You know what Nick, _when_ I find him, I'll let you know." Sara replied, whilst closing her locker door.

"So there's no one then?" he asked, surprised.

"Not that I know of Nick, unless you know something I don't." she threw back at him, intending to leave.

Grissom released a sigh of relief, his hands relaxing from the fists they had formed. Thankful that there was no one, but not entirely sure if he was comfortable with Nick taking such an interest in Sara's private life. Making sure to move away from the area, before she exited the locker room.

* * *

Grissom lay in bed that night. He had been thankful when the call had come through… It had saved him from answering her question. "You think they're happy?" His immediate response would have been "no." But he could not speak for others, only himself. If Sara ever were his, he knew he would loose it at the thought of another man touching her, he already did. But to willingly allow another man to touch her, he would kill, what type of man could do that? Just the thought of being allowed to touch her, kiss her, make love to her was enough to undo him. He would never allow another man near her if she were his. Staring up at the ceiling, he thought over her words again. "When you start looking for passion outside a marriage, you're in trouble, and your looking for trouble." Wondering just how much passion she at times withheld… He had seen glimpses of it during some cases, her temper red-hot at times. She was a passionate person in nature, could he cope with her? Or would she consume him so completely, that he would still be left hanging when she moved on… having finished with him. His body had long since responded, as his mind drifted to the thought of her, riding him, shifting on top of him, taking pleasure in his body, as he would from hers. It was one of the guilty pleasures he allowed himself. He may not allow himself to take the chance in life, but in his dreams, his fantasies, she was all his. Closing his eyes he allowed his imagination free rein…

* * *

Sara hated Ecklie, no hate was too a powerful emotion to describe what she felt for Ecklie. That would put him on par with the love she felt for Grissom. She abhorred him that was it. She hated having him split up the team. He had taken Nick and Warick away from her. Catherine was not as big an issue, but Nick she would miss. Ecklie had broken up their unit, all because he was jealous of the fact that their team was considered to be the best… And why not, Grissom had selected each of them, mentored them, it was only fair that they stay with him. If the other supervisors could not select the right people, then that was their problem. And now Ecklie was out to discredit Grissom, she knew she should have pushed more for her post PEAP council session. It had now given him something to pin on Grissom. She hated the fact that Ecklie had access to her file. It was nothing to him as long as she did her work. Her initial fear had been that he would take her off graveyard, that she and Grissom would be split, then she would have had no reason to stay here anymore, the thought had pained her. But Ecklie being hell bound on discrediting Grissom had seen her as a means. Her temper and performance record spoke for themselves. And with only Greg as the other reliable member, Ecklie was making things difficult for Grissom, and she was not willing to allow it. She would do everything in her power to make sure that graveyard kept its status as the best team.

Grissom watched Sara as she walked by his office. He had initially been upset when Ecklie had notified him of his intent to split up his team. His foremost concern having been that he would move Sara. For if she went to days, he would only get seen her in the mornings. Were she moved to swing, he would have only been able to see her in the evenings. It would have made his nights even harder on him. He would have been able to come in earlier or stay later, but she would have had no reason to speak to him. He would have been able to start a relationship with her, but it would not have lasted. Their shift requirements would not have allowed for much time together. He had been relieved when he had learnt of Ecklie's decision to leave her with him. Not entirely sure of what Ecklie had thought or intended, but unlike Ecklie, he knew that Sara at times had acted as the glue that had kept the team together. She was good at her job, and had taken Greg under her wing. She had no problem being teamed up with him, and patiently answered his questions. Grissom was still not entirely comfortable with that development… As Sara had seemed to take it onto herself to train Greg, thus allowing him more time to see to other lab matters. How he longed to spend time like that with her again, to have her attention centred on him.

* * *

Open mouth, insert left foot; then remove left foot and insert the right.

_'What the hell was I thinking'_ Sara berated herself as she left his office, _'since when am I so honest with him, so honest that I as much told him I moved here for him, that he meant more to me than a boss, that I may have made the most stupid mistake in my life by coming here. Seeking validation in inappropriate places - Yeah right. Just give him some more power so that he can crush your heart some more. Let's just make things more awkward than they are already, and the last thing I need is him taking pity on me. Anyway, Sophia seems to have caught his attention, lately. How stupid of me, to even hope that some of my sentiments would be appreciated.' _

Grissom remained seated in his chair, his eyes following her as she left. A sigh escaping him. His thoughts racing over the last few moments. His heart pounding, as his mind had registered what she had said. What it had meant? implied? She had always thought of him as more than a boss… His heart started racing again at the thought. He had to give her credit for her guts. She was capable of voicing her feelings… Where he couldn't even voice a dinner invitation, not even when faced with the fact that she would most would have accepted it. But he had not even managed to get the words out, he had blundered, once again. And instead of pushing him like in the past, she had given him the easy way out. He wanted to call her back, ask for a second take, another chance. But unlike her, he did not have all that much confidence in his capabilities of keeping her interest, or the belief in the attraction they felt for one another. Her just allowing him to be with her, would keep him enthralled, but would it be the same for her? He had long since given up on fighting or rationalizing it.

It had been the first time that they had spoken about them, where there had not been a catalyst or an upsetting case, pushing them towards each other. The first time with nothing pushing or causing for them to reach for one another, in some misguided attempt to connect with someone, seeking comfort, whilst trying to make sense of it all… Only to find that it would not last. They had both been thinking rationally and he had so badly wanted to ask her, to give them a chance. For the first time in four years the timing had felt right, and an opportunity had presented itself. But he had missed it. Missed it by once again over thinking things. What was he supposed to document for Ecklie? The fact that the one woman he desirers more than his next breath, had given him an open window. But because of his uncertainty, he had missed it, again. Should he put down on paper that she'd been right all along… That by the time he had figured it out, she'd be ready to move on, without him. That her attraction to him may only have been akin to that for a much-loved mentor? That it had been his worst fear, almost from the start.

During the last few weeks, things between them had started looking up. She had seemed more open again, her spirit and smile had returned. Not having been entirely sure as to why, he had just accepted it. Once again happy to bask in the glow of it. She had completed her counselling… Thinking that it had been the sessions, and that the treatments had improved her outlook? His heart dropped as he thought over her words again. "I sometimes look for validation in inappropriate places." Did she now consider him as an inappropriate place?

Was she going to move on now? Would there be another lover in her life, again? Another Hank? Nick and her were also no longer on the same shift, it would allow for something to develop between them? They had always had a certain understanding of one another. Grissom's hands clenched at the thought, as the image on Nick on top of Sara reappeared in his vision. He knew he would have a hell of a time, if that were ever to happen. Greg's crush on her was notorious throughout the lab, but that had never developed into more. Would it now?

She'd said that she'd moved here for him, but how much of what she'd said today did she still mean? How much of it was still applicable? Or had she just made peace with her decisions? They had been through numerous ups and downs… Would she now leave? The last time she'd attempted to leave he'd not even been as emotionally attached to her, and that had been hard enough to contemplate. Her leaving him now, would floor him.

She'd taken the splitting of the team hard, he' known. He also knew that, in her own way she had grown close to the other team members. He'd also seen into Ecklie's game plan. That by now leaving him with her and Greg… With what he'd considered an unpredictable level three and a novice level two, Ecklie was setting them up to fail. The cases they were assigned now, often ridiculous. But Sara had risen to every occasion, dragging Greg in her wake as she showed him the ropes. Her involvement with the new member limited, as she still made time to speak to the others, by coming in earlier when they needed help, or just to talk over coffee and case files. She'd shouldered a lot of the responsibility of their shift, without having been asked.

Their discussion about marriage had shown him a different side to her. She believed in fidelity, between lovers, between a husband and wife. His hand formed a fist as he thought of Hank having cheated on her. What idiot would do something like that? To have her, and still want to look at someone else, to use her… What he would not give for the opportunity to just once… NO! Once would - could never be enough for him. His mind wondered as to how adventurous she could be, with regards to sex. Her disclosure that she was a member of the mile high club had not only shocked him. It had left him in serious doubt if he would ever be able to satisfy her, completely. He was not a youngster anymore, and that thought had been partially responsible for his studying the Kama sutra. But discovering that she had read it, had given him an even greater cause for anxiety. Knowing that she possibly could have participated in those techniques… with another man...

_**Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to catch her every minute, her feeling in it. **_

_**Slipping through my fingers all the time. **_

_**Do I really see what's in her mind, each time I think I'm close to knowing, she keeps on growing.**_

**Slipping through my finger all the time**

_Slipping through my fingers ABBA_

* * *

A/N 2: Okay, don't hold you breath for the next chapter. I'm having SERIOUS trouble with it.

If you wanna flame me, warn me, so I can get the wood ready for the BBQ. Weather's nice here…

I'm looking for lyrics for Sara, for the next chapter. (Nesting Dolls) Something deep and distraught should do it… Any ideas?


	5. Where to From Here

Title: Where to From Here.

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: *I wish* Anyone out there listening? I could really use them as a XMAS pressie. But till then they're not mine. Just having fun.

Timeline: 5X13.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season 6.

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom and Sara.

Beta: Thanks again to CSI-GSR-BILLY-LOVER, who at the start of this (a few months ago) was still being bombarded with questions.

Author notes: This was probably the hardest thing I've ever written. I knew what I wanted to do with it, but I'm not sure if I actually managed it in the end. I apologize for the delay in the update. Little Bug Grissom kind of got in the way and then ran off with my muse. (So much for the quick fluffy birthday one shot.) Then there were Seven and the FRINGE fic edit… You get the point.

Summary: GSR Nesting dolls.

Lyrics: Top - Grissom, Bottom – Sara.

Story word count: 4 348 (excl Lyrics)

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

_I know u don't believe it. - Like I believe it._

_Oh no it's not your fault, you sit alone inside a room_

_Waiting for the world to come to you. - It never does._

_Must be something that u can't let go,_

It hurts that you won't let me know.

_To be Alive - Def Leppard_

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

Grissom slowly awoke. Opening his eyes the first sight he beheld was that of Sara, asleep, and lying next to him in bed. A strong sense of tenderness and contentment overcame him as a smile crossed his face. Reaching out he pushed a stray lock of hair out of the way, his fingertips caressing her cheek, they continued along her jaw, her neck then onto her shoulder. Sara stirred slightly, her eyes finally opening to meet his. A smile crossed her face, lighting her eyes. Before both moved to settle in an embrace, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, her leg thrown over his, her hand came to rest on his chest. He could feel her breasts along his side, pressing into him slightly. His one hand clasped hers, the other rested on her shoulder. Turning his head slightly he placed a kiss on her forehead then took a deep breath, whilst savouring the simplicity of the moment.

"Morning Gris." Sara spoke, finally having settled.

"Morning my dear." Grissom replied, hugging her to him for a moment.

"Sleep well?" Sara asked, once he lessened his hold.

"Yes dear." Grissom answered, closing his eyes momentarily. To soak up the moment, her presence, and the simple pleasure thereof.

Sara's fingers started to play with his shirt, whilst his traced patterns on her shoulder. Her leg moved up some more until her thigh brushed against his erection. His breath hitched slightly at the contact, he then felt her hand move, drifting down towards him. At first brushing over him before applying slight pressure, Grissom's eyes closed as the sensations assailed his body, a gasp escaping his lips. Sara's touch on him was like… he could not describe it – he could only soak it up. Gently she stroked him, encouraging his arousal to grow, soothing his senses whilst flaming his desire. Her hand moved lower and cupped his testis, holding them whilst slightly squeezing them. Her attentions had him hard within moments. Seizing her wrist he rolled her over, capturing the other and pinning them to the bed, next to her head. Their eyes met and the desire, passion he saw in the depths of hers rendered him speechless. Closing the distance between them he kissed her lips, their passion immediate as he let go of her wrists. Slipping his hands under her whilst feeding off her mouth. Sara's fingers ran into his hair as she opened for him, allowing him access to her. His hips pushed down on her seeking the contact he so desperately craved, pushing into her as he trailed kissed down her throat. Sara was moaning from the sensations he created, he took pride in the fact that he could do that.

Just then his phone rang causing him to stir. Slowly the image of her faded, he didn't even try to hang onto it as his consciousness returned him to reality. He reached groggily for his phone, answering it before checking the caller id. It was the lab, no surprise, who else would wake him from such a dream? It's not like Sara ever phoned him anymore… It was Conrad. He tried to focus on what the man was saying… Something about Sara and a meeting that needed to occur. Shaking his head he ended the call, before sitting up and running his hands over his face. His arousal still evident… It was the third time this week he'd had the dream. The first time had been not long after she'd told him that she'd always seen him as more than a boss, and that'd been three weeks ago. The dreams had become more detailed since then, his mind adding more each time. That recently, they almost seemed real in their simplicity, everyday events that could happen, if they somehow managed to get together.

Grissom got out of bed and made his way to the shower, before getting dressed and heading to the lab, to find out what grievance Conrad now had against Sara.

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

He was facing a week without her presence in the lab, a week of hell with only Greg and Sofia. Conrad had suspended her, and he'd now decided that he wanted her fired. He couldn't do it, how could he allow the one person he cared about to leave here, to leave him? He needed her around as much as he needed his heart to continue beating. She made the difficult times bearable, her strength, courage and tenacity lent him hope. She was a fighter. But if he fired her now she would leave him, leave Vegas and never look back. She'd seemingly made peace with the fact that they could never be more than colleagues. Only this time it left him wanting, without knowing how to proceed. The attention that had always been his - had shifted. She was friendly almost playful again, but something was missing. He knew what it was, he just didn't know how to get it back, or even if he could for that matter.

Grissom knocked on her door, his heart was pounding in his throat as he tried to swallow the lump that had formed there as well. His presence alone was arduous enough. Deep inside he wished that this call could be social, that she would open the door and smile at him. That he could walk up to her and wrap her in his arms, holding her close to him. Dropping his head he took a deep breath, knowing that he couldn't do this… He couldn't fire her. Firing her would initiate her departure from his life. There was nothing to hold her here. She would look up that position with the FBI or something like that. That had been what she had wanted to do a while back already. He'd fought so hard with himself, to validate his reasons for keeping her here, to keep her in his life. But how could you explain to someone that you really care about them? That they're the light beckoning you in an ever-increasing and darkening tunnel, but that you're too scarred to take that next step. Because if it doesn't work out, you'd be left drifting, hurting, wanting, aching for that which you had, and lost. He at least had her in his life… he got to see her, talk and interact with her. Maybe not at the level he would've wanted to, but she was a part of his life non-the less. She was so beautiful, so lively, and so young… He'd never be able to hold onto her. She was to be admired from afar, a dream he would have liked to have an opportunity with, an energy that would outstrip him. She needed someone younger, someone that could look after her, love her and adore her the way she should be… But just the thought of another man touching her, loving her, being with her, could drive him to his knees. The depth of the emotions he felt for her overwhelmed him, and no matter what he'd done or tried to do, they'd over the years only grown stronger. She'd mentioned that she considered him as more than a boss, but how much more was he? How much more could he ever hope to be?

He blamed himself for her anger, she'd worked hard, had been there for the others. Maybe she'd just pushed herself too hard, again. Domestic cases always got her hot under the collar, he'd known that, would've tried to prevent it had he know that was what Catharine had requested her help for. She'd improved so much since her DUI incident, and that'd been the last time he'd stood here. He'd been friendly but not overly friendly towards her. Once again he wished that they could return to the way things were… Before Debby, before the lab blew up, even before Hank, when flirting with her had been so easy. When things had been simpler, when the weight of his position and the decisions he'd had to make had not worn him down. When things had been fun. When everyone had still been learning and he didn't feel somehow separated from all of them, as he did lately.

Now he had to go out of his way to get a smile from her, where the guys constantly were on the receiving end of them. She could joke with them, but seemed overly sensitive to him, almost as much as he was to her.

Just then the door opened, pulling his attention from of his thoughts. His heart leapt as he took in the vision of her. Then berated himself for ever thinking, even if only for a moment, that there could be any attraction towards him from her side. He considered it idle curiosity from her side, a students' devotion to her teacher…at most.

Sara took a deep breath before opening the door, knowing that Grissom was on the other side. She'd seen his downcast profile and knew the visit brought bad news. It appeared as if the wind had been taken from his sails, and knowing that she was the cause thereof, made her feel even worse.

"Well, if you're here, it can't be good!" Sara said trying to open up the conversation that would inevitably need to occur.

"Can I come in?" Grissom asked, having noted her stance. He wanted access to her, needed a reason. Something he could use to prevent this from happening, to prevent her exit from his life.

Sara stepped back to let him in, then lifted her hand indicating the beer bottle, asking if he came just see if she was drunk. Her sad smile indicated there was a greater pain behind the question.

"We both know that's not your problem." Grissom replied, as he walked into her apartment entering the kitchen area, before turning to look at her

"I spoke to Catherine."

"Ecklie?" Sara questioned.

"He wants me to fire you." Grissom replied, hoping his voice did not betray his sentiments regarding the matter.

"I figured." Sara replied dejectedly, "Can I get you anything?"

"Sure, an explanation." Grissom demanded, his need for one ever growing.

Sara fired off some explanation, which he didn't buy into, not even for a second. It did not explain her anger, her behaviour. Her indication she had chosen him and that he was emotionally detached, took him aback. How could she even for a moment think he was emotionally detached from her? If she even had an inkling as to the emotions she could provoke within him, she would not have said that. Sara was the epithet of a goddess to him. She was his real live fantasy, and she thought him emotionally detached. If only she knew… If only he'd taken the chance…

He mumbled off something about rationalizing things, about it somehow being more important to some than sex. Then wanted to kick himself. He'd not even been in the room with her for five minutes and his brain had already leapt to sex, not that that surprised him. What surprised him was that he was willing to voice it, to once again hide behind quotes when faced with her. He blamed it on his fear, and the fact that he was supposed to send her packing from his life. When all he really wanted was to take her into his arms and loose himself in her. He was desperately trying to keep her here but they'd grow too far apart. There was no way to bridge the distance that had established itself between them... No way that he could reach for her now. For the only thing he would regret more than not having made love to Sara, was the thought that she could or may one day regret that they had.

Just the thought that she could regret something so beautiful, for he knew it would be beautiful with her, awe inspiring, life altering, mind numbingly beautiful…That's what had kept him at bay more times than he cared to remember. What had made him too scarred to even touch her, just the thought that she could find his touch, lacking… Was enough to undo him.

"Why?" He pushed.

Shaking her head indicating the negative, she said, "Leave it alone."

"No, Sara." Grissom persisted. He wanted to know, he wanted in on her.

"What do you want from me?" she asked frustrated.

"I want to know why you're so angry." He finally demanded, knowing there was so much more he wanted from her, so much more he had no right in wanting. But this was a start. He needed to know what caused her behaviour so that he could understand how to make this better, how to fix it. He wanted to know what fires her, so that he could understand what to make of her. How he could keep her in his life, keep her a part of it. Her answer nearly crushed him, how could anyone come through such events and still hold such hope, such life, and such passion?

Sara looked into Grissom's eyes into their depths, trying to find his reason. Grissom never pushed her, never drove her into a corner with his demands. On the contrary, he was always the one to walk away from their confrontations. But here he was, pushing her, demanding from her the one thing she knew would drive him away from her. And what she saw within their depths made her realize that this affected him as well. For there within their depths was genuine concern, and a need for answerers. There was also more… emotions, hundreds of them, running, conflicting… She didn't, couldn't understand them or why they were there.

Her greatest fear was manifesting itself. She would now need to leave Vegas, and with that, leave Grissom. Just when she'd started to come to terms with the fact that they could never be more than what they were. She could cope with him being only a friend, as long as he was a part of her life. She needed to regain her composure. She knew he didn't like feeble people, and she didn't want him to see her as weak. Even if she felt she was powerless in both body and soul, she could not allow for him to see it.

She knew what he wanted, what he needed and what answer she should give him. Knew that he should know. Because that way, when she left, he would be able to continue his life without having to trouble himself with hers. He would understand why she'd sought him out, chosen him. Someone so calm, so in control… Someone, who could calm her, whenever things started spiralling out of control. He would understand how his presence had drawn her on their first meeting, how his inner calm had spoken to her. Why he was the one she wanted to be near… But what she hadn't known, was how to achieve that closeness, back then or even now. She'd come to realize that he was not physically attracted to her, not like others were, and that at most she puzzled him, which was maybe his attraction to her summed up… She puzzled him, and he liked puzzles.

All she knew was that he grounded her, and that she needed him.

Sara sat down on the couch, pulling up her knees and stared her story. Grissom seated himself on the other. Carefully and painfully she told him of her past, the more she told him the more she knew there never could be anything between them now. But at least it would be off her chest, and that he would know her deepest and darkest secret. The implications of the information she was telling him, along with the situation they were in started getting to her. The realization that this could be that last time she would see him, that she would never again share space with him, hear his voice as he questioned her findings, whilst he urged her to push her boundaries more, or to open up to new ideas. He'd helped her to grow into a better investigator, maybe even a better person. She knows that she would not have progressed as far, had it not been for his support and encouragement. She loved her work, but he'd become such a big part of it. He loved it and it was something they could do together. They'd worked together so effortlessly at times in the past. She would miss that, him.

Grissom sat listening to her story, finding the details disturbing enough. He'd never been good at providing comfort, he felt compassion, empathy but reaching out to others was often too difficult. And with Sara it was hardest, for even the slightest indication of rejection from her would send him back into his shell. She was so strong, almost like she didn't need anyone, and he needed for her to need him.

He'd always communicated and worked with her from a distance, for if he hadn't, he would have gotten too close, too involved. Now her pain was ripping him apart, he wanted to make it go away. Cursed himself for the way he'd treated her, the same way everyone else had. Her strength came from her need to survive. Her notions and unwillingness to share had come from what she'd come to see as a flaw, a weakness. She had always come across as tenacious, but he'd never thought that her attraction could have a different foundation than that of a student to a teacher.

Maybe her councillors were right, maybe she did seek validation in inappropriate places… But he should've been the one to encourage her. He was supposed to be her mentor. She'd grown since her arrival in Vegas, but she could've grown so much more… had he not been blinded by his desire for her, his attraction. So much so that he'd failed to see how he was failing her. Always setting her bar higher than the others, because he wanted her to excel, knew that she could. But her rewards were never there when she'd reached the bar…He had chosen Nick because he didn't want her to climb the ladder too quickly. Didn't want her to outgrow him, or to be able to move on. He needed her, and his need had blinded him.

He could have offered her friendship, without rejecting her so harshly, repeatedly. He could have grounded her, which was what she needed… somewhere to belong. Not somewhere she had to fight to belong, fight for approval, acceptance.

Without thinking about the consequences he did what came naturally. He reached out to her, wanting to help and support her. Her fingers had closed around his and he took it as an encouragement. After a while he tugged slightly, until she looked at him. Then applied more pressure before saying, "Come here." Sara moved and he settled her on his lap, wrapping his arms around her, whilst her head came to rest on his shoulders. Closing his eyes he drew in the sensations, the feel of her in his arms. He sat holding her like that, rubbing her back whilst she cried herself out. Then felt her settle against him, her breathing settling. And for the first time he realized he'd got it right. That she did need him, and that he could be there for her, without risking rejection.

Sara was surprised when Grissom had pulled her closer. Until then he'd avoided any direct bodily contact with her. She soaked up his presence, the feel of being in his arms. She committed it to memory. If this were the last time they would see each other, then at least she would have this. She rested her head on his shoulder, as her sobs grew less distraught, his hands on her back soothed her as she drew strength from him. She wanted the moment to never end, if this was all she could have, all he could give her, she wanted as much of it for as long as possible. She felt him move, and for a minute thought that he was pulling away. But then felt him settle back on the couch, pulling her back with him, encouraging her to lean onto him as he continued to stroke her back.

Grissom was reluctant to let her go, the sensation of having her in his arms, the knowledge that she had not moved away from him as soon as her tears had dried, that she allowed for him to continue to hold her… had him settle back. Her trust and willingness to remain in his arms gave him hope. Hope that he could fix this. That he could help her and keep her in his life. She did not need to know what he felt or what he'd dreamt of. If she could remain in his life, if she would allow for him from time to time to draw comfort from her, or to provide it. If she could allow him to hold her in his arms every once in a while... It would be worth it.

He felt her body relax and grow heavier, her breathing having settled. Realizing that she'd fallen asleep, he pulled his arms around her tighter, holding her to him as he closed his eyes, drawing in her scent. He loved her. He loved her so much that he would do this without thinking of himself. They could be friends. Better friends than they were before. He would make sure their friendship would be enough to keep her here, to keep her close. He could do it. He could be that friend to her.

A while later he grew uncomfortable, as good as it was to hold her and to have her lean against him. His body needed to move. He contemplated his next move, and then checked his watch. It was getting late, and he would need to report back to Conrad on his 'actions'. His movements must have stirred her, because she woke, for a moment stiffening against him. He prepared for her response, the rejection that was sure to follow, but felt her lean back into him instead. A soft sigh escaped her, it was such a content sigh, which caused his body stir in a very un-friend like manner. Brushing her hair from her shoulder he spoke up, his voice more husky than he would have liked.

"Sara, It's getting late, I have to go."

"Mmm, Okay." Sara replied, but seemed unwilling to move from the comfort of his embrace.

Grissom rubbed her back, felt her snuggled into him some more. He knew that at any moment his body would alert her as to the effect she was having on him.

"Sara, you need to move so I that can get up." He whispered into her ear. Which seemed to snap her out of it, as she moved off him and settled next to him on the couch.

"I have to go, I still need to discuss things with Ecklie, and shift starts soon. I'll call you later." Grissom said, squeezing her hand. Before rising.

Sara followed him to the door, letting him out before locked it behind him. Then turned to go to her bedroom. Taking off her shoes before dropping onto her bed, pulling one of the pillows closer. She hugged it to her. Shutting off the thoughts of what she would be facing in the morning. Blocking out the realities that would come with daylight as she relived those moments in his arms. Her relief that he'd not run from her after she'd finished telling him. His embrace had not been that of pity, he did not feel sorry for her - he'd seemed upset. His embrace had been comforting, but strangely supporting as well. It was almost as if it was something he could now allow himself to do. And she was happy with that. She would take anything he was willing to give her, she would be less pushy, and just maybe there could one day be something between them. Pulling her covers over her she closed her eyes, and for the first time in years fell into a peaceful slumber.

Grissom entered the lab, his mind made up. He would not fire her, would not let Ecklie fire her either. It was as much his fault as hers, and he was willing to accept that now. He would fight to keep her here, at any cost. She could be part of his life and he part of hers, without the risk of either of them getting hurt or loosing the other. He would work at it. Sara needed someone to ground her, had needed that all along, and he was more than willing to be that for her. They could work something out. It would not interfere with work - they would be friends. She didn't need him for the physically side of the relationship. She'd had relationships with those with other men, and they had not worked, they had not supported her. They had instead looked at someone else, having fed her insecurities, making things more difficult for her.

She'd chosen him, not because he was attractive or desirable, but because she saw the one thing in him that she needed most. Someone that could ground her, support her. She may have mistaken it for attraction, but he knew that someone as beautiful as her would not for a moment consider someone like him, not in the same way he looked at her. He would be what she needed, even if it killed him.

Sara in her sleep pulled her pillow closer. Her dream filled with images of Grissom, his arms embracing her, holding her close. The warmth of his body providing comfort to hers, as it gave her the support that she needed. She could feel his breath on her hair. It as a beautiful but simple dream, which had come true.

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

_Does your blood reek of pain and remembrance?  
Does your past bind you tight to the wall?  
Do your screams still echo in your memory?  
Do your scars end up catching your fall?_

_The Other Side of Broken Glass (written by Stephanie Pascale - song in production)_

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*


	6. Trying to Find Common Ground

Title: Trying to Find Common Ground

Genre: CSI Las Vegas

Disclaimer: *Sigh* not mine, but they're on the Xmas list… come on Santa be nice.

Timeline: This is a combination of smaller sections, covering the mid to end of Season 5. Part 1 5X14, Part 2 5X19.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season 6.

Rating: M for adult themes.

Characters: Grissom, Sara, Greg, Sophia some mention of the others, and Ecklie.

Lyrics: (Both sections.) Top - Grissom, Bottom – Sara.

Story word count: 2 985 (excl Lyrics)

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

_Guilty as sin, yes I confess, I can't deny,_

_Strong in the heart, but weak in the flesh,_

_I never meant to do you wrong_

_I swear the soul gets blistered, along the way_

Guilty – Def Leppard

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

Grissom lay in his bed. If ever there'd been an evening he'd regretted, it was tonight. All throughout dinner he'd listened to Sophia, had tried to remain focused on the conversation at hand. But all he'd been able to deliberate was that he'd actually wanted it to Sara sitting across him, discussing whatever was on her mind, rather than the blond investigator. At first he'd issued the invitation just to assure himself that he actually could still do this, and for him to find out the reason why she wanted to go. But he'd realized the mistake in his judgement when they'd arrived at the restaurant, and immediately regretted his actions.

Sofia had been under the impression that his intentions had been for more, and he'd been partially oblivious to her come-ons at work. His mind having focused more on thoughts of Sara and the turn of events between them, and what that now meant for them. He'd managed to keep her on his team, much to Ecklie's joy or disgust he still couldn't decide which. He'd also kept her closer to him - he watched her more. The week without her had been hard on him, and Greg. He knew better than to think of Greg and Sara in the same breath, those thoughts alone would pain him. The younger CSI'S attraction to her was notorious throughout the lab, and Greg was not scared of her rejections either. He brushed them off like… water off a duck's back. Unlike him… a rejection from Sara on any level felt like an outright assault on his self-esteem.

Her confession had in some ways rendered her weary of him, although it had lent him a better understanding of her, for which he was thankful. It hadn't made things any easier between them. This morning at shift's end she'd been almost cold towards him, and he couldn't understand why. He'd done nothing out of the ordinary.

Sofia had seemed put out at the end of the evening as well, especially since he'd shown almost no interest in her overtures. In his heart he wanted, yearned for Sara. Sofia may be what most men's considered to be a beautiful woman, but she was nothing compared to Sara… Just looking at her could awake a primal need, a gnawing hunger he knew only she could satisfy. But he knew that it could never be, that it was a desire that would ruin a friendship.

Closing his eyes he thought back… He could still feel her body against his as he'd held her close. The softness of her body, the sensations holding her so close to him had provoked. How it had stirred the adherent nature within him. He knew now what it felt like to really hold her, what her body pressed against his felt like. What it was like to draw in the scent of her, without fearing discovery for having gotten too close or having invaded her space. Knowing he would willingly sacrifice his sanity to be allowed that close to her again, just to wrap his arms around her and be able to hold her again. He would solemnly look for a reason any reason would do, so that he would able to feel her again. But he couldn't, and coming to terms with that was proving to be more arduous than he'd thought it would have been. He was to be Sara's friend, the person she could lean on. That way he would have a permanent place in her heart, and her life. But his heart and his head were waging a constant war, with either winning at times.

A sigh escaped him as he turned onto his side, settling himself he closed his eyes, he needed his sleep and he wished it would claim him. Because maybe then his mind will take him to that place where they were together, were simple gestures were a part of everyday life, where holding and loving her was something he could freely do.

Sara got into bed, her heart heavy in her chest. She'd known that there would never be a chance of anything other than friendship between her and Grissom now. Yet still she couldn't master the burning sensation in her stomach, the inability to breathe whenever the thought of Sophia and Grissom crossed her mind. The fact that he had asked the blond out on a date had cut her like a knife. She would have traded anything to take the woman's place, to be allowed to bask in his presence. Sara's affection for Grissom was infamous throughout their shift. More often than not these days she wished that she could make it go away. She'd even tried to keep her cool, her distance from Sofia after she had heard the woman mention their upcoming date to Greg. It had made Greg weary of what to say around her, so much so that she'd felt like shouting at him that she already knew, that she'd heard the news already and he didn't need to spare thought for her feelings.

She could live with the knowledge that there never would be anything between them. But the fact that he had moved onto Sofia, that it had not been their work which had separated them, had prevented them from exploring their attraction towards each other, ate her. It filled her with the type of pain that only those familiar with unrequited love could experience.

Sara was also seriously considering moving out of her apartment. Especially since that evening he'd last been there. Its familiar walls were somehow tainted with his presence. Her couch, she'd thought of getting another, but then those bittersweet memories would assail her. The memory of him holding her to him, which was usually soon followed by the reality check… that it will probably never happen again, and that Sophia could now also have experienced that embrace, and possibly… more?

Why was it that men always seemed to prefer blonds? Why was it that he would risk it with her? Sofia was about her age… she'd never asked the woman, not that it had interested her. But why was it that he could go to dinner with Sophia? When he'd turned her down so out rightly that time? Sara knew that she would accept whatever small morsel of attention he bestowed her. She lived for those moments at times, even having pushed for them at times. But the news of Grissom and Sophia had eaten away at her. It had rendered her unwilling to even try to catch his attention, having completely taken the wind out of her sails.

She wondered if she would be able to go on like this of if she shouldn't make more of an effort to get on with her life, get out and enjoy things more. If she could somehow stop this attraction she felt for him, the power he wielded over her.

Closing her eyes she allowed her thoughts to slip back to that evening. Wanting to remember the feel of his arms around her, his breath near her ear, his heartbeat under her one hand. It had seemed so simple, so easy, and so perfect. Why couldn't it just be like that? To just be together, to stop analyzing everything, to stop fearing the what if's and the why not's, and to just be. It had been so easy, so uncomplicated when they had not thought about it. When they'd simply allowed for it to just happen.

Sara loved him. she would never deny that. The same as she knew that she was willing to work the hours, put in extra, even unpaid, if she could spend that time working with him. All too often even those hours weren't long enough. The times she that spent away from him working with and helping out the others, too often required. Pulling the pillow closer she held onto it as she allowed her body to succumb to its exhaustion, a few hours sleep before shift would do her some good.

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

_I believe in what I'm feeling,_

_I'd give everything up just for you,_

_Love is devoted to those who see_,

_That the last dance you dance with the truth._

_Angel Eyes – Ace of Base_

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨* *¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

Part 2 (5X19)

Greg and Sara shower…

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

_It's hard to hold your head up, when you're kneeling down to pray._

_And talking don't come easy now, when the words get in the way._

_And if you could see what's going on,__behind these private eyes._

_The truth would look so easy now,__but I'm running out of lies._

_All I Want is Everything - Def Leppard_

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

With the passage of time, Sara and Grissom managed to re-establish their friendship. However, it still leant more towards a rocky start than a solid foundation. But it was once again growing and Grissom took heart in that, with their footing almost being back to that which it'd been, before things had started spiralling out of control.

Sara spent time with him on cases, and didn't push for anything more. Grissom paired them together as often as possible, and made sure to encourage her. He wanted to keep an eye on her, to make sure she could cope with what was going on. And if he were honest to himself, he'd admit it was also because he wanted to spend some time with her, to have her to himself in a manner of thinking. He liked the idea of her being with him. But Nick and Greg still received the bulk of her smiles. Grissom had tried to accept it as part of the growing process, had tried to control the jealous pangs and thoughts that would swirl in his mind whenever it happened. He'd reprimanded himself, saying that they were only friends and that it didn't threaten their friendship. But all to often his instincts would kick in, shouting that they were competition and required elimination.

He envied the spontaneity she showed towards them. The way she could so freely hug them at times, especially if they were excited about things. He wanted that for himself, craved it. He'd on a few occasions come in early to find her and Nick chatting about things over a cup of coffee, and had started wondering if there wasn't something developing there. He liked the younger man, knew that he would look after her… but then the image of Nick over Sara would appear in his minds eye, causing him to clench his fists in an effort to control the inner turmoil he felt, at the mere thought of the two of them together.

He'd sent Sara and Greg out to process the bodybuilder's scene, and was hoping to get some feedback from them soon enough. Grissom walked down the corridor towards his office. Just before entering it he heard her voice reach him, turning slightly to see where they were, he saw her and Greg walking towards him. Hoping to catch her eye he was shocked when he overheard the subject matter of their conversation.  
"Just to let you know Sara, when we were in the shower, I saw nothing."

"Oh, coz I saw everything."  
Grissom felt his heart speed up and his breath hitch, neither in a good way, as the words and their meaning sank in. He felt the agitation starting, felt it climb from the pit of his stomach encasing his lungs causing him to gasp as suddenly his breathing felt restricted. His free hand he clenched in a tight fist, in an attempt to control the shock and carnal feelings of jealousy that surged through him within seconds. His eyes remained on them until they disappeared from his line of sigh.

Greg and Sara in a shower… When had **that** happened? Turning towards his office he fought the surge of adrenaline that coursed through his body as the fight or flight reflex kicked in. Which had centred more on the fight side of things, as he restrained himself from grabbing Greg by the scruff and demanding an explanation. But he knew he would then be faced with the wrath of Sara, which was not a situation he wanted to find himself in.

Greg and Sara. He'd not for a moment even thought that she would, that they would. It was against regulations… Was that why she'd been as willing to be paired up with him? So that she could show him the ropes? He'd hoped that she'd realized that time at her apartment, that she's more than just a staff member to him. Her words in his office had once given him hope, that she could've seen him as more, now there was her and Greg. The thought was too painful just like the image of Nick pinning her down had been.

For the first time he realized just how difficult this new relationship with Sara would be for him. Convincing himself that he'd be okay with her seeing someone else, someone closer to her age, had been easy. But to actually see it happen was excruciating, almost unbearably arduous.

Sitting down at his desk he tried to come to terms with Sara and Greg, when his phone rang. He reached over to answer it, an automatic reflex. His thoughts and mind focused on the person on the other side of the line. It was the CDC confirming that no biological of chemical contaminants had been found, and that the scene was cleared. Setting the phone back on its hook he ran his hand over his face, before sitting back in his chair. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath, realizing that the heavens and fate were conspiring against him. For weeks now he had kept her close, hoping to have a legitimate reason to share personal space with her again. And in one day Greg had not only spent time in that space with her, they'd both been naked whist doing it. The thought of naked Sara caused certain parts of his anatomy to awake. Realizing that the closest he'd ever come to sharing space with her, was that one case a year ago. And even then there'd been a good five inches between them at all times, he remembered the smoothness of her wrists as he held them. He remembered the inner struggle he'd had to just let go of them. The desire she'd awoken that day, within those moments. How he had tried to will her into turning her head, so that he could look into her eyes, possibly letting her know what was happening. Then she'd broken the spell by reminding him of their job at hand. It was there and then that he'd known he was in serious trouble where Sara was concerned. Even now, there was no telling what he would've been willing to do, had she not drawn him back from his desires.

Both Nick and Greg had recently shared personal space with her now. He'd made sure that she worked rape cases on her own or with him, and made sure he was on had to help with any of her other cases. How had they gotten from process a dead body and a crime scene, to showering together? The gods were conspiring against him, all humanly known divine entities, Venus and Zeus included.

Suddenly realizing what that meant. That not only had Greg and Sara been naked together, there would also have been a team of haz-med guys. Meaning that at least three men had seen Sara naked today. Questioning as to why he never ended up doing such cases with her. But he also knew had it been him, he would most likely have chased off the haz-med lot, for invasion of privacy. Threatening them with sexual harassment before taking his time and showered her himself.

Getting up he made his way to the break room to get some coffee, slowing as he neared the break room when he heard her giggle.

"Your lucky she doesn't have a boyfriend Greg, or you'd be beat." It was Warrick's voice.

"Yeah, I wouldn't take to kindly if Sara were mine. And she'd needed to get naked and wet with you." Nick added.

"Ah your just jealous because it wasn't you." Greg countered.

"You bet I am." Nick replied.

"Guys, I'm in the room." Sara injected.

"So Sara, you saw everything, are you now going to sell him out with the girls." Nick goaded her.

"Oh definitely." Sara threw back.

"Hey, I'll tell them about your tattoo." Greg threatened.

"You have a Tattoo?" Nick asked stunned.  
"I thought you weren't looking." Sara said turning to Greg.

"I'm a man." Greg said in defense.

"Sometimes we wonder." Warrick added.

"Come on Greg spill it, we know little enough about Sara." Nick encouraged.

Grissom chose then to enter the break room, trying hard not to clench his fists in an effort to control his frustration. Making his way to the coffee machine. Not sure how he felt about Sara having a tattoo in some secret region of her body, or the fact that Greg knew about it and had seen it. It was a little too personal for him.

"It's on her left ankle, it looked like..." Greg started.

Turning around Grissom looked at them, rendering Greg speechless within moments.

"Don't you think you should rather be working on catching the bad guys, instead of standing here discussing co-workers?" Grissom deadpanned.

Chided, everyone and started filing out of the break room.

"I'll get you for that." Sara threatened Greg, keeping her eyes lowered as not to meet Grissom's.

Sara dropped her head before passing Grissom, not sure as to what he would be thinking. Seven weeks ago shed been in his embrace, having willing lost herself in its comfort. And now here she was, being reprimanded with her friends for something she'd had no control over. And not for the first time that day she wondered what it would've been like had he been with her. Knowing that she would've fed her mind images of him, of his body. Would he have done the same? Could it possibly have been the shove he needed, to be able to look at her as more as just a CSI, or one of his team? Would he have liked the view, and would he have wanted to claim it for himself? A sigh escaped her as she entered the passage. She'll never know…

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

_I hope and pray my faith won't leave me_

_When it comes to me and you_

_Try a little tenderness,_

_I die a little for a long lost sweet caress _

_Breathe a Sigh – Def Leppard_

*¨*•ƸϊƷ•*¨*

A/N: There were three parts to this one, but I decided against the third. The Committed companion fic (Chapter 7) is undergoing some editing (and some rewriting… blame chapter 5) and will be up soon enough.


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